My last post was about how I figured out my WHY and how I was finally able to see my vision for the future. Figuring that stuff out was the first step in moving closer towards my dreams. This post will be about what I believe has been slowing down my progress on the way to success.
What I’ve Been Feeling:
I’ve been feeling like I’m not good enough. I’ve been feeling intimidated by others who are doing better than me, financially and physically. I’ve been feeling discouraged that I’m putting in the hard work and not seeing results as fast as I had hoped for. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by all the work I have ahead of me to get to where I want to be.
I find that, although I know it’s beneficial to me, it’s difficult to be around people who are doing better than I because even though they lift me up to become better, there’s still that subtle envious/jealous feeling I get when I’m around them. I just want to fast forward time so I can be at their same level. This makes me feel discouraged, especially when I’m not making progress as fast as I was hoping for. I’ve been able to make faster progress in the past, so why can’t I do it now? It’s really frustrating!
I use the excuse that I don’t have a life like the people I admire and look up to BECAUSE I don’t have a 9-5 type of steady income like many of them do. If I did, I could probably do all of the stuff they do, too, as I have in the past. All my life I’ve lived on structured schedules, both in school and for work. Schedules are how I’ve always stayed organized and how I work best. My new life as an entrepreneur, has given me time, but time is a very fluid concept… and that in itself has actually become a total adjustment to me! One would think it’d be easy to design your own schedule, especially if you’re used to structure, but I’ve found it can be really challenging to do. When you are the main person motivating you, as well as the one doing all the work and making everything happen, you will find it’s literally exhausting. So exhausting, that sometimes I’m just too tired to keep moving forward and I have to pause. Pausing can feel so good that I just want more of it, so yet again, I have to find the motivation within myself to not only tell myself to get back to work but actually do it!
The struggle is real.
Living pay check to pay check, constantly worrying about money and just trying to survive is not a stage of my life I want to hang out in for long, for the simple reason: it’s stressful.
I have found myself working more and sleeping less. When I worked a 9-5 job, I used to struggle throughout the day if I didn’t get my full 8 hours of sleep. If I got 7 hours and 55 min, THE DAY WAS BRUTALLY LONG! I also was not a morning person, and couldn’t fathom getting up before sunrise. Now I get up between 5:30am and 6:30am pretty much every day of the week, to volunteer my time and lead free workouts (am I crazy?!) And I don’t go to bed early, as I’m naturally a night owl. So I probably get on average, 5-6 hours of sleep a night. When my day starts, I start working right away and I pretty much work (doing various things) straight through the day until I can’t keep my eyes open any longer.
When something fun comes up, I actually feel guilty when I make the decision to take time off from my work to go have a little fun. It’s like I don’t deserve to have fun yet; my nose should be to the grindstone and I should always be trying to get ahead. However, I’ve learned if you work all the time, you’re eventually going to burn yourself out, and in that regard, you’re actually going to set yourself back. So now I try to allow balances of healthy fun in my schedule. Partying used to be my idea of having fun, but now I consider it something that just sets me back, slowing my progress. When I wake up the next day after a night of partying, I am usually mad at myself more than anything because that was time wasted in getting ahead. Not to mention, I really don’t like feeling like crap and not feeling my best. If I’ve been drinking, I’ve also probably been eating [unhealthy choices,] and so after partying I know I have some making up to do in the workout zone. I don’t have time for “make-ups” or “fixes.” If I did it right the first time, I wouldn’t have to redo it, right? So that’s why I don’t party as much anymore.
It tends to be a constant struggle, seeing my friends out having fun; going out to eat, partying, traveling, or even just enjoying a whole day off. I have always been a person who likes to get out there and really enjoy life, so I want nothing else than to be there with them, doing it all. But I have to remember my diligence and dedication to what I’m trying to accomplish. I do not want to be financially strapped and I want my businesses to be a success! Once I hit my financial goals, and have that passive income coming in, that’s when I will be able to go out and enjoy life more.
For now, I just have to endure the hard part. I need to push through the resistance and the emotional pain. It’s like a blow to the ego when I have to tell my friends I can’t do something because I really can’t afford it (this makes me feel like I’m less of a person) or I can’t go do something fun with them because I have to work (why work so much?! Life is short.) When my ego takes a blow, I feel embarrassed, intimidated, and tend to get a little depressed.
Most of my friends, I assume, don’t really understand what kind of strength is needed to go against the crowd and do your own thing. What it takes to choose work over play. What it takes to work 15 hour days almost every day of the year. What it would take to try and help them understand, would probably be wasted energy. They wouldn’t understand what I’m going through unless they went through it themselves.
So here I am, walking down my lonely road of entrepreneurism. You don’t see too many friends along the way; most of them just drop off because they were only there for the good times. The true friends will be there for you, through the good times and the bad, and I’m very grateful for those who have proven their loyalty to me. But then there are the friends who you thought were good friends, only to prove otherwise with their actions. Realizing that hurts. Those same people are the ones who are the bad influences, who try and make you feel guilty for working so hard, and tell you stuff like, “Hey, why don’t you kick back and live a little?” Those are the ones you need to either see less of or cut out of your life completely. They aren’t going to help you grow, but they will help set you back.
Many of my friends are also in a relationship or are dating someone, which means they have that support system and someone to comfort them and be there for them. I don’t have that. I actually made the choice to become 100% single (not even talking to anyone) about 6 months ago, because I wanted to focus more on my personal development and growing my businesses. Living in San Diego was perfect for a case like mine because it seemed that all the guys that were coming into my life enjoyed playing mind games, didn’t have the same drive as me, or wanted me to help them with their issues. I didn’t have time to deal with all of that so the choice to cut them all out completely was an easy one. So here I am, still single, just doing me and working hard to make my self happy. It’s cool being able to do anything I want, but times are tougher for me now than they were when I had a 9-5, and sometimes I wish I had that special person in my life to lean on.
What I’ve Been Figuring Out so Far:
I have to remember that it’s not that I’m not good enough or that I can’t accomplish what I’m trying to accomplish. It’s more like I’m still in the beginning stages of my entrepreneurial journey. Maybe others who are doing better in certain areas than I, are just naturally better at doing those types of things. They’ve already been through that development stage in their journey and that’s OK; now it’s my turn.
A couple examples of my personal strengths vs. my personal weaknesses: I consider myself an athlete, so working out and having great endurance comes easy to me (now.) I’ve worked hard over the years to develop that strength. On the flip side, my weaker area falls into the shyness category. This is actually something I’ve been working on my whole life, and although I feel discouraged with myself at times, I must have actually made some pretty decent progress because people tell me quite often that when I’m talking to them, I seem really calm and cool. Maybe I’m better with one on ones or smaller groups? I’m not sure, but I do know I have HUGE anxiety issues when it comes to crowds and public speaking. I feel very uncomfortable being in the spot light, all eyes on me. I was petrified before I started leading group workouts. So petrified, that I just kept putting off learning how to lead them. Then I realized that in order to make that next step in personal growth as well as business growth, I had to change. So I finally dove in and figured out how to swim while I was already in the water. I may not be the best group fitness leader but I’m working hard at developing that weakness into a strength.
I’ve also always been creative and prefer to work alone. That’s how I flourish. Now that I do work that involves working with people, I need to use a whole other side of my brain. I have to work at keeping my composure, promote happiness and positivity, show concern, show empathy and help others get what they want. And I have to do all of this on both the good days and the bad days, even when I don’t feel like it. Although I am a generally happy, positive and outgoing person, I’m actually an introvert and cherish my alone time. It can be very challenging for me to constantly expend my positive energy outward.
I’ve also learned, recently, that I’m an emotional empath, which means I am hyper-sensitive to the emotions and conditions of others. My body will act like a sponge and literally absorb the emotions and conditions of others and can actually can take them on. This fact alone explains a lot about why I’ve been feeling like CRAP for the past 2 years! There have been a handful of people who have come in and out of my life, who had some deep, dark negative energy that I didn’t know about when I first met them. When the relationship ties were severed and we went our separate ways, I couldn’t explain why it was taking me so long to get back to my normal state of well-being and I couldn’t figure out why I still didn’t feel like myself. Once I did some research and read up on the concept, it completely made sense to me. Their dark energies were actually transferred over to my body and for months, I could literally feel it swirling around inside of me! Man, am I glad I got away from them when I did!
Ever since I hit my 30’s, I feel like my sensitivity has gone into over-drive and I feel EVERYTHING. It’s a blessing and a curse at the same time. So I’ve been working on taking charge of my emotions as well as setting healthy boundaries, in order to work more efficiently and minimize any problems along the way.
I could let the fear of public speaking or working with people stop me and keep me where I’m at in life, or I could work harder to develop myself in those areas and grow. Everything I’m doing in my life right now is geared towards growing my businesses, but I hear in order to grow your business, you need to grow, too. This is where the benefits of personal development come in and the reason why it should be put high on the priority list.
When I first started out as an entrepreneur, I didn’t realize how much personal development I still had ahead of me, and realizing this fact about myself was a hard pill to swallow. It has definitely humbled me, and I now that I accept it, I am ready to take it on and work hard through it!
So looking back on the past year and a half, I could be frustrated that I’m moving slower than others, but then again, I don’t know what they had to overcome to get to where they are today. And maybe I’m not actually moving slower. Maybe I’m moving at the same pace but with more resistance.
In summary, my focus for the past year and a half has been more on learning, developing my weaknesses into strengths, building my businesses up, figuring out how to make money and how to get the bills paid on time. The focus on my health goals have unfortunately been put on the back burner, mainly because paying the bills and not getting kicked out on the street is a little more important to me than getting a six-pack right now. When I get frustrated and down about my body and not reaching my Level 10, I now try to remind myself that it’s OK because I have had a lot of new stuff on my plate to work through. I can do anything I put my mind to, so when I feel like I’m truly ready, all I need to do is shift my focus and put in a little extra effort.
What Will I Use to Motivate Myself?
I have been having a hard time figuring out how to stay motivated, and I’ve finally come up with it! I want to have one hell of an inspiring story! My vision will be posted in the next blog post, so stay tuned 🙂
A little preview:
I could make all of this easier on myself: I could give in and go back to a 9-5 job any time and maybe build my businesses up in my free time. I could move back home to save money on rent to make it easier on me to pay off my debt and be able to pay my bills easier every month. I could get into a relationship with someone just so I could have someone to support me and be there for me when times get really tough.
But then I ask myself, “Do I really want to make things easier on myself? What kind of reward would I get for enduring more pain and growing substantially more?”
The answer? I’d rather find out than wonder 🙂
And now a little vision of what you can expect from a successful journey. I’ve seen this picture numerous times before, but I didn’t realize what it truly meant until now. I can totally relate! I’m definitely currently somewhere in that scribbly mess… and I’m sure there’s a lot more to come! That’s okay; BRING IT.
PS: Keep reading my blog posts to follow my journey all the way to the top!