No, but seriously.
I have been living with my current roommate for the past 2 and a half months, juuust enough time to realize he's a complete mental case! I'm getting better and quicker at recognizing them! Woo! Go me!!
Anyways, after all of the verbal abuse I put up with all summer long from him, I righteously have many things I'd LOVE to shout back at him, but I digress. If I did that, I would be giving him what he wants: DRAMA.
So, I'll just vent here on my blog... because I can!!! Haha.
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Let me first give you the background
I found this guy on a Craigslist ad when I was looking for a place to live long-term because I'm sick of moving all the time!
I am an extremely busy entrepreneur, struggling every day just to keep my head above water, financially. I don't have the time, patience or the money to keep moving every couple of months. Moving takes soooo much out of me and adds a ton of stress! I think it's safe to say, I hate it with a passion. Yet, I always find myself in these predicaments where something doesn't work out, I get f*cked over, and I'm the one who has to move.
Maybe it's the decisions I make... I don't really know. I think I'm pretty damn careful when I'm in the process of choosing where to live and with whom to live with. I spend months searching EVERY possible place. I groom it from head to toe, making sure it's exactly what I want. However, maybe I don't groom my roommates very well, and that's where my problem is. Which is why my next place is going to be all mine, NO ROOMMATES to compromise with!
My last couple of roommates were disgusting and messy, so I wanted to live with someone who was the opposite: clean.
Well, be careful what you wish for! I ended up moving in with a guy who has an extreme case of OCD. Everything must be in PERFECT order ALL of the time or else he'll scold me.
This guy is also a teacher, so he loves hearing himself talk and thinks he's always right.
Speaking of hearing himself talk, on top of all of this is the biggest "Uh-Ohh" realization... this guy totally has a NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.
I've had some very close encounters in the past with a few narcissists (some of my past posts have elaborated a bit on them,) so I'm getting pretty good at spotting these turds. I'm also getting pretty good at figuring out how to deal with them.
Wanna know what to look for and how to deal with them? Keep reading...
Narcissistic Personality Traits
1. Self-absorbed (it's all about them)
2. Entitled (makes the rules; breaks the rules)
3. Demeaning (puts you down, bullies you)
4. Demanding (of whatever he or she wants)
5. Distrustful (suspicious of your motives when you’re being nice to him or her)
6. Perfectionistic (rigidly high standards—his or her way or no way)
7. Snobbish (believes he or she is superior to you and others; gets bored easily)
8. Approval seeking (craves constant praise and recognition)
9. Unempathic (uninterested in understanding your inner experience, or unable to do so)
10. Unremorseful (cannot offer a genuine apology)
11. Compulsive (gets overly consumed with details and minutiae)
12. Addictive (cannot let go of bad habits; uses them to self-soothe)
13. Emotionally detached (steers clear of feelings)
This is my roommate to a "T". Needless to say, it's been a super fun summer (said in a sarcastic voice, of course!)
Below are some random things I've thought about over the summer, as I processed his seemingly "off" personality. If I could say these things to him, I would:
- "I find it humorous that you have a hoity-toity personality and you think you're better than everyone else, yet you need constant reassurance and approval from others when you do "super amazing" things. EARTH TO NARCISSIST: These things are only "amazing" to you in your own little world. To the rest of the actual adult world, the "super awesome" things you do (like getting drunk in the park all day with your friends and being the "most awesome player" because you "wowed" everyone with your skills at drunken disk golf) are simply "child's play."
- "Your girlfriend has VERY low self-esteem if she's continued to stay with you for the past 5 years. You verbally abuse her, and I've witnessed it more than once. I also think she might not be that intelligent because I'm pretty sure you're actually GAY," (do note, I love gay people, as long as they aren't cruel 🙂 )
- "I remember the day you told me you considered yourself to be 95% empathetic. I almost choked on my sandwich and asked you to repeat that statement. Afterward, I considered the fact that you may actually be more stupid than I initially thought."
- "Remember that day I came home from "the BEST day of my life?" The day I got to train my first beach boot camp with over 50 people and even had a celebrity as my assistant? I told you all about it and why it was so awesome to me. And what was your response?! You didn't even acknowledge what I just had told you and responded immediately with, "Well you know what I did? We were driving back from Mexico and these guys were tailgating us so I called the cops and had them pulled over." Wowww.
- "Remember that day you texted me while I was at the gym just to tell me you were unhappy with the fact that I didn't wash the dishes correctly, before putting them in the dishwasher and this was unacceptable to you? Then I told you I will work with you on that if you work on something for me: Telling me something that you appreciate I do before following up with criticism. You told me you'd work on that for me. Yeah, you never did. Always always always criticisms. Why should I continue to work so hard to keep you happy then? Clearly, anything I do is not appreciated, so maybe I should just stop doing those things."
- "I always felt like I was walking on eggshells in my own home, even when you weren't home. Always thinking to myself if I don't do this, I'm going to make him unhappy and be scolded... again. Yeah... FUCK THAT."
- "I consider myself a clean person, but not OCD clean. And I never will be so you can take your cleaning supplies and shove them up your ass."
- "You'll never be happy. No one will ever make you happy. You can't even make yourself happy! Enjoy that karma while I move onward and upward in life!"
- "Speaking of karma, how was that week you were bedridden from your hemorrhoids? I've been told karma can be a real BITCH."
- "Remember how you yelled at me one day over some trivial little matter and told me we needed to "have a talk" and then the next day you ended up in the hospital with your hemorrhoid issue? Too funny. Remember right before this happened, your girlfriend JUST left for 2 weeks in Iceland and so you had no one to coddle you? Then you came to me looking for empathy? You huffed and puffed around the house like a whiny little BABY just looking for attention. To which I didn't give you. How'd that feel? PS: Real men suck it up and don't whine. I bet as soon as she gets back you'll blame her for leaving you to deal with all the pain and agony on your own. Or maybe even make her feel bad about not flying back to care for you when you needed her the most. Poor BABY!!! Vomit."
- "Have you EVER heard me complain? No? Oh, that's right, because I'm not a weakling like you and I just deal. I'm also a grown-up."
- "Just because I don't complain, does not mean I don't have my own issues. I have more issues than you could handle, clearly, but instead of letting them affect me, I just power through them. Like a boss. Because I am my own boss. And you are not."
- "I don't respect your THINGS?! How materialistic of you. I also don't understand that statement. I am very conscious and respectful of other people and their things. How about we flip this conversation and I tell you I feel like you don't respect my SOUL. I think that's more important than material things anyway."
- "You get drunk and do drugs every weekend. You drink beer and wine almost every day. You gallivant off on weekend excursions with your girlfriend and friends almost every weekend. You tried to be an entrepreneur for 1 year and ended up going back to a "safe" 9-5 job. You have a steady, reliable paycheck that comes every week. You have a steady, reliable and sweet girlfriend of 5 years who's always there to comfort and help you with whatever you need. You also get to have sex often. You haven't moved from the same apartment in 12 YEARS. Tell me again why your life is sooooo hard and how I'm not respecting you? Try one day in my shoes."
- "You are a DRAMA QUEEN."
- "Less talk, more action. Talk is cheap and clearly fake. Nothing you say holds true."
- "You need serious therapy."
- "Oh, you don't like that I'm ignoring you now? Does it feel like your power is slowly drifting away? Good."
- "Please do not interrupt me. I'm trying to ignore you and by the way, I give ZERO FUCKS."
- "I am laughing hysterically on the inside at this one-man circus you are creating. You're a friggin freak show, running around this apartment like an insane clown who's trying to create some sort of drama... ANY sort of drama. But yet, you keep failing miserably and you know it. I can see the insecurities in you revealing themselves. Honestly, anything you do just makes you look bad. And the fact that you are exposing the things that REALLY bother you to me just gives me leverage in the things I can do to push YOUR buttons. I know you'll freak out if I do them, and there's nothing you can do to make me do what you want any more. In fact, the more you tell me what to do, the more I'll make sure I do the opposite. 😉 We've already established that I'm moving out, yet you still continue to try to tell me what to do and how to do it. Too bad. I'll do what I want on my own time and how I want to do it. Anything you do to try to get a reaction out of me will simply just NOT. Nothing bothers me at this point because I know what you are and I know that I will never be as pitiful as you. You just have to "put up with me" for another couple of weeks. Sucks to be you! HAHA."
- "I'm sorry I'm not sorry."
- "I refuse to take part in your manipulative and controlling mind games. Been there, done that, never again. You lose."
- "Ignoring you is such an easy and entertaining remedy for how to deal with you and all your drama! I just sit back and watch you make a fool of yourself, trying to regain power, even though you know you already lost it. I don't have to do anything, and I don't get caught up in your drama-filled tornadoes!"
- "I'd be careful even thinking about messing with any of my stuff. Your stuff is "nicer" so you'd essentially have more to lose in the event that I retaliate."
- "Confidence is quiet. Insecurities are loud. The fact that you always have to brag about how awesome you are and how awesome everything you do is, confirms this fact. Did I ever brag and boast about myself to you? Hmm, nope, I do not recall any time that I did."
- "The fact that you really have nothing better to do with your free time than to complain and try to create drama proves to me that you actually don't quite measure up to people who have more important things to do in a day. Like the kind of people who don't have time for free time (me.)"
Well, that about sums it up. Maybe there is more but it's almost midnight and I need to be up at 5:30am to volunteer my time by helping run a FREE workout. Just trying to help put an end to obesity, that's all. But I'm apparently a bad person... simply because I refuse to comply with manipulative and insecure people 😉
Good night!! 😀
Do you tend to be a magnet for narcissists?
Since I wrote this 5+ years ago, I have continued to experience new narcissists that seemed to show up in every new chapter of my life.
At the end of 2018, I ended a toxic relationship with a guy I had been dating for 2.5 years because I had discovered he was yet another narcissist. After telling him that he really needed to get psychological help, I realized that if I just kept attracting these types, I probably needed some kind of professional help, too, because I just couldn't seem to think my way out of their entrapments.
Once I admitted to myself that I had reached a point where enough was enough (I'm talking a lifetime of abuse and emotional turmoil) I decided right then and there that I would never allow myself to go through something like this again.
I started seeking help online and discovered Melanie Tonia Evans, a narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She explained that the reason we attract narcissists is because of an energetic thing going on within our bodies. Our overall vibration is low due to unhealed traumas, subconscious programming, and limited beliefs that need to be addressed, healed and cleared so that we can become self-partnered and begin existing at a higher vibration.
When we vibrate higher more often, we are no longer an energetic match to a narcissists low vibrational existence. This is why we can't "think" our way out. We have to remove the pain, trauma, limiting beliefs, subconscious programming, etc. from our body if we want to stop attracting narcissists into our lives.
All that being said, I decided to sign up for her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) and ended up healing myself. Now narcissists seem to avoid me like the plague and I feel much more confident, free, and happy! 🙂
If this resonates with you at all, and you'd like to begin healing yourself, I highly recommend you check out her program!
I believe if enough of us do the inner work to heal ourselves, narcissists won't have anyone left to latch onto and the cycle of abuse from them will eventually come to an end.