Well, I've been ignoring my roommate for the past 2 weeks and he is getting absolutely pissed about it.
The only time I spoke to him was when he asked me a week ago if we could have a talk about our living situation. That's when I sat down with him for about 1 minute, took the lead and told him, "Yeah, about that... So it's clear to me we are not compatible as roommates and neither of us are going to change. I've been looking for a new place for the past week. I was going to tell you a week ago, but I knew your were in physical pain so I didn't want to bother you" (hahaha.)
Side note; he was home from work, bedridden, for a week straight, with a ruptured hemorrhoid (some might believe this situation happened due to karma? Hehe.) On the first day, he huffed and puffed and sighed his way around the apartment, waiting for me to ask what was wrong with him, but I just ignored him. He had treated me with such disrespect 2 days earlier, which really pushed me past my breaking point, so I honestly didn't feel like I owed him anything.
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I think he got upset that I called the shot because, as a narcissist, he needs to feel like he's in control all the time.
I am 99% sure that he wanted to be the one to kick me out. Unfortunately for him, I saw right through his actions and beat him to the punch! So, since then, and for the past week, he's been trying to annoy me in every possible way he can think of. Things like peeing on the toilet seat, not replacing the toilet paper, leaving messes out in the kitchen, parking his car a little closer to my parking spot so it's harder me to fit my car in. I even came home to this one evening:
Now why would I care about this when it's already been established that I'm moving?
I posted that picture on Facebook stating "If anyone is wondering why I'm moving again, THIS is why." It sparked a hilarious and entertaining conversation of almost 100 replies.
For the next 24 hours, I left the plate there and made sure to clean everything around it. Sometimes you can say more with your silence or by not reacting! He finally ended up cleaning it his self, probably because he couldn't stand having a dirty dish left out on the counter, haha! I love that I can laugh at this and not let it bother me.
The next day, he came home from work early.
I had just finished making lunch and hadn't cleaned up the kitchen yet. I was sitting at the dining room table, working on my laptop.
When he walked in, he tried to say "What's up" to me, but I ignored him (like I said before, I'll ignore him so hard he'll question his own existence! He doesn't deserve my attention and narcissists hate being ignored!)
He proceeded towards the kitchen where he decided to make some of his own lunch, but he had to work around my mess. He threw something in the microwave and then stood in front of it, waiting for it to cook for 2 minutes straight. He was in my direct line of vision so maybe he was trying to annoy me? Haha. More like entertain me.
Then he grabbed his food, came over to the table and threw his plate down, sitting directly across from me. Again, I think maybe he was still trying to annoy me? I just kept my eyes on my laptop and continued working. I could tell he was starting to get frazzled. He then started to chew his food like a cow and when he got no reaction out of that, he started humming.
I was seriously laughing on the inside. What a clown! Is this apartment secretly known as a circus? I stood my ground and didn't react at all.
When he finally finished, he went into the kitchen to put his dish in the dishwasher. It was at that point where his narcissistic rage took over and he yelled at me, "So are you going to clean this place up or just leave it a mess!?!?!"
Of course, I ignored him.
He then stated, "Oh, so you're ignoring me now?! FINE. You can be out at the end of the month then!" (like I wasn't already planning on it??) Technically, I have 30 days to leave from when I give my notice so I could legally stay longer if need be. I also had written up a month-to-month sub-lease agreement, which I had him sign upon moving in, so anything written there has got me covered. 😉
Anyways, after that whole fiasco, he was running around the apartment like a chicken with it's head cut off, totally freaking out. Seriously, hilarious. I sit back, do nothing and don't react and he flips out and starts acting really crazy. Such an easy solution! Plus, he's only making his self look bad.
I continued to sit at the dining room table, working for the next 2-3 hours. I then went into the kitchen and cleaned up my mess, on my own time. 😉 Then I went into my room and quietly shut the door. I could have went into my room earlier, but that would have given him the satisfaction that if he annoys me enough, I'll leave. He ended up going out somewhere for the evening so I had the palace to myself 🙂
A couple days later, his girlfriend came home from her 2 week vacation in Iceland. She had been saving up for that trip for about 2 years and finally got to go. I'm sure he told her how his life had completely fallen apart while she was gone... actually, he probably blamed her for leaving him to suffer in his own misery without anyone to coddle him. I imagine he's probably made up some crazy story about me; how "psycho" I am and how he just can't live with someone who can't live up to his ridiculously high standards.
He's making her feel "special" that he chooses to keep her around because she can live up to his standards (but only because she has low self-esteem and therefore he can control and manipulate her!)
That poor girl. She's really a sweetheart and I hope she can pull herself away from him some day. (2016: UPDATE: She hasn't, she ended up marrying him!) I'm not going to tell her he's a narcissist because she won't believe me anyways and so it will be a waste of my time. She needs to figure this stuff out on her own. Not my problem.
So a couple more days go by and he's fuming. He's plotting ways to get revenge on me to try to hurt me.
He starts texting me, two days in a row, telling me he has someone coming over to look at the apartment at 5pm and that I need to confirm I won't be there. I confirm by simply not being there but also do not text back. Maybe I was out doing my own thing anyways? He'll never know.
I do make sure to keep the place clean, including my room, just so he has nothing to complain about. Not that I really care, but because I'm not going to change my behaviors either way because of him. I am a clean person so I'm not going to become more messy just to piss him off. And I'm not going to clean things when he demands me to. I'm just going to keep an even keel. This will show him that he can't control me, shake me or break me. I do what I want, when I want. I am my own person and no one can tell me how to feel or what to do without my consent.
He got so mad that I've continued to ignore his existence that he sends me these two texts, on Thursday, August 21st, trying to induce "fear of loss" into me:
What's funny about this text is that my "childish no comments" DO seem to be working, because he's the one freaking out and reacting to the situation. It's totally eating him up inside! And he's the one throwing temper tantrums like a 2 year old who didn't get their way.
I also find it amusing that he's exposing to me all of the things that upset him, so I'm learning all the right buttons to press.
I'll just keep gathering this information and store it away in case I need to use it some day. By not reacting to him, he doesn't know what I'm thinking or what really bothers me. He just continues to act all crazy and I know mentally he's racking his brain over how to make me suffer.
So I decide to give in and write back... but what I say helps me get my way anyways, so I guess you could say I'm still winning. It also gets him to back off because he can't say much else after this... and doesn't. Haha.
Creating a "nuisance," huh? By not washing 1 or 2 dishes perfectly?
I'm pretty sure creating a nuisance means disturbing someone's peace. I'm not doing anything wrong, in a mentally stable person's mind. I could argue that he is a "nuisance" to me, as he has constantly been badgering me, putting me down, verbally abusing me, and making threats towards me. He's disturbing my peace. I also have written proof of this that I could use against him.
Furthermore, he can't legally "evict" me. First, because he's not the landlord, he's just a tenant who's lived here for 12 years.
Second, since I'm on a month-to-month sublet (renting a room out in his place, with no contract or lease, besides the one I wrote up and had him sign for my own protection,) he can only give me a 30-day notice. There also was no official written agreement by me or him about a 30-day notice, so technically, if I wrote I am giving my 30 day notice today, and sent it to him in an email, then I could have an additional 30 days. At least all of this is what I've read and is to the best of my knowledge.
He's trying to scare me, but he has no grounds to work from so looks like I have the upper hand. I mean, he has one more week that he needs to put up with me, is it really that difficult for him? He really doesn't have an ounce of empathy in him because he's not thinking about what I'm having to put up with: I am a struggling entrepreneur who works for myself. I don't get a guaranteed weekly pay check every week just by showing up. I have to hustle for my income. My income relies on me and me only. Now I have to move AGAIN after only 3 months... moving is expensive and time-consuming. Two things I don't have a lot of extra of. On top of that, I have to put up with his abuse and threats. Even though I don't show it to him, it still causes me lots of extra stress and energy I have to expend on how to finagle my way out of this mess.
Anyways, here was my last text to him:
How can he argue that? Oh, that's right, he couldn't. 😉
Do you tend to be a magnet for narcissists?
Since I wrote this 5+ years ago, I have continued to experience new narcissists that seemed to show up in every new chapter of my life.
At the end of 2018, I ended a toxic relationship with a guy I had been dating for 2.5 years because I had discovered he was yet another narcissist. After telling him that he really needed to get psychological help, I realized that if I just kept attracting these types, I probably needed some kind of professional help, too, because I just couldn't seem to think my way out of their entrapments.
Once I admitted to myself that I had reached a point where enough was enough (I'm talking a lifetime of abuse and emotional turmoil) I decided right then and there that I would never allow myself to go through something like this again.
I started seeking help online and discovered Melanie Tonia Evans, a narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She explained that the reason we attract narcissists is because of an energetic thing going on within our bodies. Our overall vibration is low due to unhealed traumas, subconscious programming, and limited beliefs that need to be addressed, healed and cleared so that we can become self-partnered and begin existing at a higher vibration.
When we vibrate higher more often, we are no longer an energetic match to a narcissists low vibrational existence. This is why we can't "think" our way out. We have to remove the pain, trauma, limiting beliefs, subconscious programming, etc. from our body if we want to stop attracting narcissists into our lives.
All that being said, I decided to sign up for her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) and ended up healing myself. Now narcissists seem to avoid me like the plague and I feel much more confident, free, and happy! 🙂
If this resonates with you at all, and you'd like to begin healing yourself, I highly recommend you check out her program!
I believe if enough of us do the inner work to heal ourselves, narcissists won't have anyone left to latch onto and the cycle of abuse from them will eventually come to an end.