I know a bunch of you have been waiting anxiously to read this blog post for about a week now, and I'm sorry I couldn't get it posted sooner, but I was so physically and mentally drained after last weekend's move (out of the fiery pits of my own home) that I just couldn't find the strength to write. Seriously, we should really thank my narcissistic [now!] ex-roommate for all the drama he has created out of nothing. It's nothing but sheer entertainment for us!
Just so you all know, I am now in a safe and comfortable place, staying with a friend. I did not get hurt, emotionally or physically, simply because I made the decision to not let him do that to me! I can actually thank my narcissistic ex-boyfriend for that kind of strength! These mentally-ill people can be soul-sucking, emotional vampires, but only to the people who don't realize what's going on.
Through my own personal experiences, I have learned how these narcissists think and what their manipulative and abusive tactics are. I know when they talk down to you or flip out on you, it's not about you, it's about them not being able to handle criticism or the lack of attention their getting from you.
These mentally-ill people use projection as a defense mechanism and turn whatever you are telling them that they are right around, putting it on you. Whatever they are calling you is how they internally feel about themselves. All in all, not my problem! So, I'm not gonna dwell on it, but rather just laugh about it! 🙂
I only shed about 2 minutes worth of light tears over this whole dramatic ordeal, and that was only because I did something I've never done before: got right in someone's face and told them to F*CK OFF.
I am a person who has learned how to have a lot of patience and how to not let the little things bother me, but if someone continuously and intentionally pushes my buttons, they better believe they'll see that other side of me.
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Ok, so here's the story!!!!
So, when I came to the conclusion that my roommate was indeed crazy a couple weeks ago, I started looking for a new place to move to.
I had really, really wanted my own place when I had to move out of my last apartment at the beginning of summer, but I figured I'd play it "safe" by getting a roommate for another year or so, in order to save some money on rent.
I wanted to live with a clean person and in a place that I could stay at for a while, because moving can be very time-consuming, not to mention expensive; two things I don't currently have a lot of extra of.
Clearly, playing it "safe" was the wrong decision.
With all of the non-sense that went on all summer, between me and my roommate, I decided that this time around I was just going to DO IT and get my own place. My reasoning was; I couldn't afford the risk of getting another crazy roommate to waste any more of my time. My time and my sanity are way too important to me. So I started my search for my own studio.
I actually had a really difficult time getting one, I think because it was a big transition time of the year (September 1 move-in date) but also because of my credit. My narcissistic ex-boyfriend purposely put a big, black mark on my impeccable credit score, as a sort of "punishment" for not getting back together with him (that's a whole other story for another day.)
Anyways, I ended up finding an awesome studio at this luxury apartment complex that I really liked, in the location that I wanted to live in the most, and decided to try and put a deposit down on it. I figured, why not at least just try ? The answer could most likely be no, but what if the answer was yes?
Naturally, I was nervous about it because it was on the pricier side and I wasn't sure if I could afford it, but also because I knew they had to check my credit score. I waited and waited five days for them to get back to me on whether I was approved for the studio or not, and after not hearing from them I decided to call and follow up on a Monday.
They told me they were still deciding whether to approve me because they saw that black mark on my credit. I told them if there was anything they could do to help me out, I would greatly appreciate it, as that black mark had nothing to do with me but everything to do with my abusive ex. They told me they would try, but that might be a deal-breaker.
Once they told me that, I figured I probably wouldn't get it and started looking at other places. I had to be out of my place in 5 days at this point, so I was kind of desperate. I found this other awesome place, but with a roommate, and almost ended up settling and taking it but that same day I got The Call.... I got the studio!!!
I was so excited about it, not only because I realized I was going to have my OWN PLACE, but also because I realized no one can hold me back from getting what I want! My ex can't control my future and neither can my crazy roommate! Only I have the power to control my future. 🙂
The studio was meant to be mine and I can only foresee many good things coming out of my future living situation!
The only thing I had to finagle now was putting my stuff in storage and finding a place to stay at for 2 weeks until I could move in. I spent the rest of the week setting up my storage unit, my Uhaul, finding moving boxes, finding friends who could help me move, and setting up a place to live. I had a friend offer me my own room at her house, so of course I said yes to that!
I needed to be out by noon on Sunday, August 31, per my roommate's orders. No prob. I already planned on moving out a day earlier. It was Labor Day weekend and I had a feeling my roommate was probably going to leave town for the long weekend. "Perfect!" I thought. "He will be out of my hair and I can move out peacefully."
Right after having that thought, I realized that was the most naive thing I could think of! If he really is a narcissist, he will be up to something.
He will probably try and make my move out as horrible as he possibly can, in hopes that he can drive me out sooner rather than later because Sunday at noon is right in the middle of his long weekend. He also probably wants to try and actually get a reaction out of me, since I haven't shown him any emotion since I told him I was moving out 2 weeks ago.
I also imagined that he would bring friends over and have a party in the middle of my moving process. How ridiculous would that be!?
Sure enough, he came home Friday night around 8pm, in the middle of my packing. I had boxes all over the living room and the place was all torn up. There was barely any room to walk through the living room and kitchen. He said "What's upppp" to me, as if we were cool. And I just ignored him, per usual. He jumped in the shower and that's when I heard a knock at the front door. I was packing up stuff in the kitchen and just thought to myself, "Great... I really don't feel like entertaining his stupid friends..." They were making a drunken ruckus at the door and it was at this exact point where I realized I was right about my naivety; my roommate wasn't going anywhere. He was planning on staying here, with friends and trying to make my moving process a living hell.
I went over and opened the screen door for them, because apparently they couldn't figure out how to open an already-open door themselves. They started becoming chatty with me and asking me all sorts of questions, including, "What are all these boxes for? Is someone moving?" I was like, "Yeah, I AM." Then they asked where I was moving to. Like I was going to expose that kind of top secret information! They could tell him and he could use that to hurt me. So I just replied with, "Somewhere."
Then one of them wanted to talk all about his self and tell me all the cool things he's doing with his life... I just thought to myself "FUCK THIS! I don't care about you or your life! I'm busy trying to get the hell outta here!" I then headed towards my room, but as I was doing that, my roommate came out and greeted his friends, whom I was basically forced to entertain (probably on purpose.) He acted like nothing was wrong and was in a strangely outstanding mood... almost like he had a scheme that he had been working on all week, which was just starting to come to fruition.
That's when he started going through my already-packed-up boxes... and taking things out! He claimed I was stealing his stuff, right in front of his friends, and took whatever he wanted out and put them back in his cupboards. I just thought to myself, "Wow. He totally is a narcissist." I let him take whatever he wanted, because to me, tupperware and food was really not that big of a deal and not worth arguing over. It can be replaced.
Of course, I looked like the asshole to his friends. Oh well... I don't really care what any of them think of me. I know it's all exploited false information, produced out of manipulation and mind control.
I continued to pack in my room, hoping they would leave soon. I then heard my roommates' girlfriend's voice. Then I heard them all crack open a couple of beers and my roommate's friends were talking about how they wanted to go out to one of the clubs after the next drink.
I knew deep down that my roommate would make sure they didn't leave the apartment the rest of the night.
Sure enough, my roommate told them they should stay in and have a "Game Night."
Hmm... of course he would do that. The friends didn't seem too excited about a "Game Night," but my roommate insisted. Then I heard him say, "Yeah, let's just pull out all the game options... but first we just need to move these boxes..."
Wow. Seriously?! I totally called this circus! And they were all his monkeys.
They proceeded to play board games, drink, and be out-of-the-norm crazy loud and obnoxious, while I hid in my room packing.
Around 11pm, I decided to take a Sleep Now and passed right out. I wasn't going to let them destroy my restful slumber. I fell asleep almost instantly and slept like a ROCK through the entire night. Can you say WINNING?!
The next morning, I woke up around 7am and came out of my room and walked down the hall towards the bathroom. That's when I saw some really weird shit.
My roommate's friends were passed out on the couch, with a blanket of white stuffing from some pillow they must have ripped apart and laid across them. I really can't explain that one.
Then, when I walked passed my roommates room, I made the mistake of naturally looking in, because the door was wide open. And there he was, laying face down, ass up; literally butt naked. Disgusting and so un-classy.
The week before he had been home on bed rest all week with a bloody ass from his ruptured hemorrhoids. And I'm thinking it may have been his karma for cheating on his girlfriend with his gay best friend (I found him laying in bed with him 2 weeks ago, again, when the door was left open.) I guess these are the things that go on in Hillcrest!
Sorry for the gruesome image, but I really couldn't make this stuff up on my own.
And I can't believe this is my life.
I ran into the bathroom quickly, then out and back to my room, where I proceeded to continue packing until one of my friends showed up to help me out.
We went and picked up the Uhaul truck at 8:30, and then came back to the apartment to start loading it. When we walked in, my roommate was standing in the hall in just a thong. Seriously. WTF?!?!?!?! My friend and my roommate made eye contact, and my roommate ran back in his room.
Anyways, we started loading up the truck and my roommate's friend started giving us a hard time. It was like my roommate pinned him on us. I told my friend to ignore them and not sink down to their level; they were just trying to pick fights and get a reaction out of us.
We continued hustling and ignoring them. They all looked like complete shit and I was pretty sure drinking wasn't the only thing they did last night. They can stay in their self-destructive worlds... I was outta there that day!
Once the Uhaul was packed up, we headed up to the storage facility, where another friend met us to help out. That went pretty smoothly, so I was happy about that! However, I received some texts from my roommate while I was there, claiming that I was playing games with him and that he could play them, too.
Something told me he was going to be pissed that I told him to relax.
After unloading, one friend had to head to work, but the other one planned on heading back with me to help me grab the last of my stuff.
I dropped off the Uhaul and then headed back to the apartment. My friend said he had to make a stop but he'd be over after. This was it! One more round and I was outta there!
I walked up to the door, and heard music blaring inside the apartment. For some reason, I felt like I was going to have a problem opening the door; like this was just too easy.
Sure enough, my key wouldn't fit into the lock... that crazy freak changed the locks while I was gone! I banged on the door but to no avail. He changed the locks and left! I. WAS. PISSED.
I ran down to my neighbors apartment, who thankfully was home, and told him what happened. He was super empathetic but also told me, "Yeah... sounds about right. You're not the first person who's come to me with this problem."
My roommate is totally nuts!
I asked my neighbor if I could have the landlord's #, which he gave to me, but then asked what I should do from here. I was just trying to move out and was about an hour away from being done. This creep of a roommate hadn't gotten a reaction out of me yet, so this is what it came down to. He was THIS desperate.
I asked my neighbor if he thought I should call the police (I've never had to call the police for anything in my life... this drama was seriously throwing me for a loop!) He told me that maybe I should just text my roommate first to see what he says.
In hindsight, I wish I would have called the police, just so I could get this nut case in trouble, but you can't change the past. So I made the choice to text my roommate first, just to have everything in writing, and here is how the convo went:
Freakin' nuts-o, right? Of course half of my texts are jumbled because at this point I'm all fired up and freaking out, so I'm typing way too fast while my hands are shaking.
Anyways, he came home about a minute later, walked casually, yet arrogantly, up to the door and unlocks it. I just say "THANK YOU," to which he replied in a sarcastic tone, "Oh sure, you're very welcome!"
I could feel my blood pressure rising.
He started running around the house yelling, "Where's my flask!?" I shouted back at him from my room, "Dude, I just got back in this place 10 seconds ago, I haven't had time to look for it yet since you locked me out!"
I could feel my patience running out. And I was mad that he finally tapped a nerve in me, causing me to react. But I figured this is what he wanted and he would keep pushing UNTIL I reacted, so this was as good a time as any to just put him in his place.
He continued to make a few other remarks towards me from the kitchen and then all of a sudden, I SNAPPED.
I threw down whatever I had in my hands, ran out of my room and ran directly at him, cornering him in the kitchen. He saw me coming, squared his body to me, and with a puffed out chest shouted, "Oh, you're going to get in my face right now?!" And I just said, with absolute rage in my eyes, "YEAH, I AM!!!"
I then proceeded to tell him what I told him in my text, "I'm only going to tell you this one time; the verbal abuse, the harassment and the threats are going to stop or else I WILL be taking legal action." He responded by threatening to evict me (again,) and I just laughed and said, "On what grounds?! You have nothing on me!" He responded by telling me he has the eviction papers ready.
Oh whatever. I call bullshit.
Then I told him, "I have not done anything wrong and I don't deserve to be treated like this."
He responded, "Yeah, actually you deserve all of this."
I said, "No I don't. You clearly don't know me. You have pushed me past my boundaries. I have a backbone and this is me standing up for myself."
He responded, "Yeah!! Girl Power!" And threw his fist in the air, mocking me.
That's when I should have punched him square in the throat. I kind of wish I had now, but at the same time I'm proud that I was strong enough not to bring any physical violence into this. I probably would have been charged for it... but it still would have been freaking HILARIOUS if he got decked by a girl.
Then I told him, "You create drama out of nothing. I really wish I had the extra free time to play along with you in these childish games of yours, but unfortunately for you, I have more important things to do with my time."
He responded sarcastically, clasping his fingers together, "You ARE drama." (of course he would turn it around on me, that's what narcissists do!)
I responded, "No, I'm not. And what you're doing right now is called projection. You're projecting your issues onto me, because you can't deal with them. I used to date someone just like you......"
He interrupts with, "Awww, that's cute!"
I just laughed and said, "Yeah, super cute. He had the same mental illness as you. I've done a lot of research on it and now understand it. Everything you've been trying to do to me this weekend, I KNEW you would do! I actually expected it! I can read you like a fuckin' book!"
He just looked at me blankly.
Then I told him, "Look, I'm trying to move out, and you getting in my way is only delaying that. I was planning on being out by today, but if you don't get the FUCK out of my way, I'll make sure I stay here until tomorrow." (I technically had until the next day to move out, but I knew he didn't want me staying any longer and had a feeling he was trying to head down to Mexico for the weekend, so I figured that was the best way to get him off my back.)
He responded with, "Well, I don't know what you're doing here still talking to me. Go!" And he made the motion with his hands to go back to my room.
I gave him the death stare and walked back into my room, shaking uncontrollably. I decided I needed to calm the F down, so I took two Relax Now's and texted my friend to see if he was still coming. He said he'd be there in 2 minutes.
When he showed up, I came out of my room to let him in the door. Next to the door was my roommate, perched in his throne chair. It was like he was sitting in his "castle" overseeing his "minions" doing their work in his "village."
He said "What's up!" to my friend when he walked in, acting all cool and nonchalant. My friend knew what was up and just came into my room with me. That's when I broke down in tears while telling him what had just happened.
It was odd that my roommate only treated me like crap when my friends were not present... but then again, that's what abusers do. If you tell your friends about the crazy things abusers do to you, yet they never witness these things, you're going to look "crazy," and that's exactly what the narcissist wants.
I could care less.
I teared up for about 2 minutes and tried incredibly hard not to let my roommate in the other room hear me. I didn't want him to get off thinking he was the one that caused me the kind of pain that brought me to tears. Technically, he didn't. I was crying because I've never seen that side of myself before. I consider myself a lover, not a fighter (in certain lights.) I've only imagined getting in someone's face and telling them off, but have never actually done that, so this was ground-breaking to a shy little Tara.
I made myself snap out of it pretty quickly and continued packing up my stuff as if nothing had happened. My Relax Now supplements started kicking in and my stress levels dropped. I became more more calm and focused.
The two of us got everything that was left out to my car in about 30 minutes, but then I had to clean my room. I asked my roommate if he expected me to clean my room, and he replied sarcastically, "YEAH." So I asked him if he had a vacuum.
I was afraid he was going to make a big deal out of it, or he wasn't going to let me use his, but he got right up out of his throne (haha) and went to get it.
I vacuumed up my room, took before and after pictures and told him the room was ready for a walk through. He walked into the room and said, in a sarcastic voice, "Was there something particular you wanted to show me?"
I replied, "Nope, just showing you I got the work done and if I have your approval then I'm outta here."
He told me it looked good. I was amazed.
Then I realized I had left some stuff down in the storage container outside. He had also changed the locks to the gate in the storage area, so I needed him to open it. He told me he took all of my boxes out and put them next to my car, but that he would open the gate and the storage container so that I could double check that none of my stuff was left behind.
He was being oddly super nice... again, probably because my friend was there. I checked the storage container with him and all looked good. I handed over my keys to him and told him I'd text him the address of where to send my security deposit refund. He said "Okay," and walked back up into the house. We never even said goodbye.
I turned toward my friend and we both looked at each other in kind of a shock; it was that easy. Then we grabbed the rest of my stuff and shoved it into my overly-stuffed car. We let a sigh of relief out as we walked around the corner to just talk for a bit. I couldn't thank him enough for helping me out. LIFE SAVER!
After talking for about 15 minutes, my roommate and his girlfriend came out of the house and switched their cars around in the parking lot, then took off. They only do that when they are leaving town for the weekend, which means they were probably taking off for Mexico after all. Weird how I was right! 😉
I texted my now EX-ROOMMATE the address of where to send my security deposit, and immediately felt a feeling of THRILL rush through me.
I was done with this asshole.
Whatever he sends back to me in my security deposit is what he sends back to me. I have already accepted that I most likely won't get the full amount back and I honestly just don't care. It's just money. Money is materialistic. I got away from him safely and fairly gracefully.
From here, I don't plan on dwelling on this whole ordeal or plotting any kind of revenge on him, simply because I know it will be a waste of my time and energy, and I'll only be sinking to his level. Plus, I'll be the one to look like the crazy one, and that's what he wants. I don't let people control me. I've already been through this revenge crap with my narcissistic ex-boyfriend and so I just consider this situation my final test to make sure I learned that lesson.
He may very well be waiting and waiting for me to freak out at him. Waiting for me to force some sort of revenge on him. This will keep him on edge and will always be in his thoughts. The fact that I'm not reacting to him or giving him any further thoughts, will only hurt him more, mentally. Like I said before, I will ignore him so hard, he'll start to question his own existence! Karma is a bitch and I'm sure she will take care of him for me. If not, he'll self-destruct on his own.
Another energy-sucking vampire DELETED from my life. Ahhhh.... do you hear that? That's the sound of peace. 🙂
And in one more week, I'll be living my dream in my own STUDIO, posted up in my own little island kingdom, wearing my crown, and laughing at all those small people who tried to break me.
Do you tend to be a magnet for narcissists?
Since I wrote this 5+ years ago, I have continued to experience new narcissists that seemed to show up in every new chapter of my life.
At the end of 2018, I ended a toxic relationship with a guy I had been dating for 2.5 years because I had discovered he was yet another narcissist. After telling him that he really needed to get psychological help, I realized that if I just kept attracting these types, I probably needed some kind of professional help, too, because I just couldn't seem to think my way out of their entrapments.
Once I admitted to myself that I had reached a point where enough was enough (I'm talking a lifetime of abuse and emotional turmoil) I decided right then and there that I would never allow myself to go through something like this again.
I started seeking help online and discovered Melanie Tonia Evans, a narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She explained that the reason we attract narcissists is because of an energetic thing going on within our bodies. Our overall vibration is low due to unhealed traumas, subconscious programming, and limited beliefs that need to be addressed, healed and cleared so that we can become self-partnered and begin existing at a higher vibration.
When we vibrate higher more often, we are no longer an energetic match to a narcissists low vibrational existence. This is why we can't "think" our way out. We have to remove the pain, trauma, limiting beliefs, subconscious programming, etc. from our body if we want to stop attracting narcissists into our lives.
All that being said, I decided to sign up for her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) and ended up healing myself. Now narcissists seem to avoid me like the plague and I feel much more confident, free, and happy! 🙂
If this resonates with you at all, and you'd like to begin healing yourself, I highly recommend you check out her program!
I believe if enough of us do the inner work to heal ourselves, narcissists won't have anyone left to latch onto and the cycle of abuse from them will eventually come to an end.