If you've been following my blog at all, you've probably read some of my posts about the crazy, narcissistic roommate I unfortunately lived with 2 summers ago.
If you haven't read any of the posts, feel free to read them in the following order to see how the story unfolded... and be prepared to laugh!
- Cut Out the Drama in Your Life
- What I'd Really Like to Say to my Narcissistic Roommate
- Proof my Roommate is a Narcissist
- My Escape from the Fiery Pits of my Own Home
I've been wanting to write this blog post for quite some time now, but I couldn't until I had final closure with the narcissist. It took me almost 2 years to get what I wanted, but through lots of strategizing, patience and persistence, I finally got it! Nothing feels better than truly winning justice for what is rightfully yours! Especially with a person who thinks he's above the law and can do whatever he wants without repercussions!
I want to share my story with others who might also be dealing with a narcissist person in their lives, in hopes of giving them some guidance on how to handle these crazy people. Narcissists will try to control you and will treat you like absolute crap, even though you don't do anything to deserve it. However, you need to realize this has nothing really to do with you and everything to do with them; you're basically making them feel inferior and insecure by being a happy and/or strong person and they are simply jealous because they don't know how to be like you.
It's important to understand this is not your problem to solve.
Many things you read will tell you to run as fast and as far away from them as possible because fighting with them could make things exponentially worse. Well, I'm not one to just roll over and let someone treat me like shit or take from me what is rightfully mine. So through a few recent experiences with narcissists, I've learned how to fight them, simply by outsmarting them.
If no one stands up to them and no one inflicts punishment on them (within the boundaries of the law) then they are just going to continue treating people like crap. We need to stand up for ourselves and also help protect anyone who crosses paths with them in the future. We need to teach them our boundaries and really let them know that it is NOT okay to treat people inhumanely, or else there WILL be repercussions for doing so.
*This post contains affiliate links.
To summarize my story up until this blog post; I lived with my narcissistic roommate for 3 months in the summer of 2014 (he was just a guy I found off Craigslist). Things got ugly after 2 months and then real ugly the 3rd month after I told him I was going to be moving out in 30 days.
From then on, he tried to make my life miserable in anyway he could think of (like a 2-year-old throwing a temper tantrum, except at the level of a 31-year-old man.) However, the harder he tried to get a reaction out of me, the harder I ignored him, which was when he realized he couldn't control me, which pissed him off even more.
Instead of being afraid of him and what he might do, I just chose to laugh about it, which helped me get through everything a little easier. Seriously, consider reading some of my previous blog posts listed above, they should make you laugh, too!
So my new story starts here.
The day I moved out, he told me he was going to mail me a check for my security deposit, but for some reason, I had a feeling I was going to have some trouble getting that back.
After 21 days, I still hadn't seen it.
So I texted him about it, and this is how it went:
The guy is bat shit crazy.
Not to mention he has OCD, he's a liar, he never even wrote up a contract when I first moved in, and he likes to make up new rules/change the rules whenever he so desires.
Anyways, I ended up filing a small claim and took his ass to court on August 14, 2015, almost a year after I moved out. This was my first time ever in court, so I was nervous as hell, but I was prepared to fight! I was not going to just let him take $800 of my money just because he didn't like me.
The judge listened to both sides. My side was very well thought out, and I had all sorts of documentation and proof. His side went something like, "Ohh, I didn't know I had to give it back, sir."
What. A. Dumb. Ass.
Needless to say, I won, and I walked out of that court house that day like a fucking boss.
Months went by and I never received my $800 + $50 in court fees. According to the court system, they weren't going to go after him to get the money back, so I decided to do some research on how to get it back myself.
I found these two resources that served me all the info I needed for enforcing and collecting judgment in California:
I also did a little research online to see if I could find any info on him as of late. Low and behold, something enlightening came up in a Google search when I typed in his name; looks like he was getting married (that poor girl) on April 16, 2016, which just happened to be a few weeks away from when I was preparing to go after him. I figured I could use this knowledge as a bit of leverage 😉
I was prepared to just file a writ of execution with the court, but that would have cost me extra money and time and I just didn't really feel like putting more effort in. I read in the Collecting Your Judgment PDF that you can write them one last letter, demanding the money by a certain time, and if they don't pay you, then you will be forced to move forward with enforcing the judgement.
I figured I'd give this a try, so I mailed him this letter:
I am writing to you to ask that you pay the $800 security deposit + the $50 in court fees owed to me, according to the court judgment from 8/14/15.
If I do not receive $850 by April 16, 2016, I will file a writ of execution and enforce the judgment. I am also entitled to claim 10% interest on the initial amount of the judgment plus any other accumulated fees for having to file paperwork through the court system.
Here’s How the Enforced Judgment will Work with a Bank Levy:
Your bank account will be frozen and you’ll be notified of the levy. The funds owed will be taken from your account and then sent to the Sheriff’s office. Your bank is required to give any money in the account at the time of the levy, up to the amount of your judgment plus costs, to the Sheriff. The Sheriff then releases the funds to me.
Additional Enforcement Options Include:
- A bank levy on your spouse’s bank account
- A wage garnishment (25% taken out of your paychecks until debt is paid off)
- Seizure of personal property like your car
- An Order of Examination (which will include another court hearing where I will ask you questions about your personal financial assets in order to aid in the enforcement of the monetary judgment. If you do not appear in court, a bench warrant may be put out for your arrest.)
As long as your debt remains unpaid, it continues to accrue an interest of 10% a year. Plus, by not paying your debt, you are probably damaging your credit rating.
It is recommended that you send me what I am asking for now or else you will be forced by officials to pay more later.
Once your judgment is paid in full, I will file an Acknowledgement of Satisfaction of Judgment with the court and we will be done.
Please send a check for $850 to address below.
Some strategies I used with this letter:
I made the due date the same day as his special day, that way he'll always remember me on that day every year, hehe. 😉
Plus, I assumed he would probably be going on a honeymoon the week after the wedding, which was most likely going to be in Mexico, since that's where the wedding was. What would happen if his and/or her bank accounts were frozen during this time and they couldn't get any money out of it? Or what if they couldn't get back into the U.S. for some reason that aligned with the bank issue? That sounds like a total nightmare to me. 😉
I mentioned his spouse in the letter, which probably made him wonder how I knew they were getting married. I'm pretty sure it creeped him out a bit. 😉
With a wage garnishment, his job would know that he's in trouble with the law and how would that look on his reputation? Perhaps it might lead to losing his job. 😉
Seizing his car; pretty sure he needs that. 😉
Having to go to court again and seeing me. Pretty sure he wants nothing to do with me anymore. 😉 Plus, if he doesn't show up to the next court hearing, he could be arrested. What kind of ripples in repercussions would that cause?! 😉 😉
Anyways, the letter worked.
I received my check for $850 on 4/15/16.
This check symbolizes so much to me:
- I got justice for what was truly mine.
- Patience and persistence truly does pay off.
- I am not afraid to stand up for myself and what is right.
- I truly cannot be controlled by someone, no matter how bad they treat me.
- It gives me more confidence knowing how to handle these kinds of assholes in the future.
- He finally had to pay up, which means he didn't win (winning is everything to a narcissist!)
- He got outsmarted... and by a woman. 😉
From here, I just need to file an Acknowledgment of Satisfaction of Judgment, within 14 days of final payment. Once that's done, I am done with him for good! Unless he tries to retaliate in some way, which could be possible so I'll try to watch my back. But I'm pretty sure he won't be messing with me any more from here on, since he now knows what I am capable of. 🙂
Hopefully this blog post helps you in someway, whether you need help dealing with a narcissist or you're trying to sue someone in small claims court and trying to collect judgment! Keep fighting for yourself because these people don't have the right to treat us the way they do! What they really need is professional help!
Do you tend to be a magnet for narcissists?
Since I wrote this 3+ years ago, I have continued to experience new narcissists that seemed to show up in every new chapter of my life.
At the end of 2018, I ended a toxic relationship with a guy I had been dating for 2.5 years because I had discovered he was yet another narcissist. After telling him that he really needed to get psychological help, I realized that if I just kept attracting these types, I probably needed some kind of professional help, too, because I just couldn't seem to think my way out of their entrapments.
Once I admitted to myself that I had reached a point where enough was enough (I'm talking a lifetime of abuse and emotional turmoil) I decided right then and there that I would never allow myself to go through something like this again.
I started seeking help online and discovered Melanie Tonia Evans, a narcissistic abuse recovery expert. She explained that the reason we attract narcissists is because of an energetic thing going on within our bodies. Our overall vibration is low due to unhealed traumas, subconscious programming, and limited beliefs that need to be addressed, healed and cleared so that we can become self-partnered and begin existing at a higher vibration.
When we vibrate higher more often, we are no longer an energetic match to a narcissists low vibrational existence. This is why we can't "think" our way out. We have to remove the pain, trauma, limiting beliefs, subconscious programming, etc. from our body if we want to stop attracting narcissists into our lives.
All that being said, I decided to sign up for her Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP) and ended up healing myself. Now narcissists seem to avoid me like the plague and I feel much more confident, free, and happy! 🙂
If this resonates with you at all, and you'd like to begin healing yourself, I highly recommend you check out her program!
I believe if enough of us do the inner work to heal ourselves, narcissists won't have anyone left to latch onto and the cycle of abuse from them will eventually come to an end.