This morning I woke up around 7:30am and eased into the morning by listening to some personal development while eating breakfast and doing a little work on the computer.
At 10:00 I headed over to the Scottish Rite Center in Mission Valley for the NPC National Championship to see my friend Thuy compete in her first figure competition. I sat by myself for about 15 minutes until I got a text from my friend Justina who said she was there, too. So we sat together. I texted Thuy and let her know we were here and to find out where she was. She said she hadn’t arrived yet because she was having some sort of make-up disaster. Uh oh.
Justina said the schedule showed that Thuy’s class already went on stage. Did she miss her debut?!?! I texted Thuy’s sister, Michelle, to see what was going on, as she was with her so could tell me more of what was going on. We watched all the competitors flex on stage and I felt nothing but respect for them… they worked hard to get to where they were today! And it takes a lot of guts to go up there and have every piece of your body judged by so many people! Definitely inspirational.
After about 2.5 hours, Thuy, Michelle and Kelly (Thuy’s organic spray tanner… www.positivelytan.com) showed up. Thuy had missed her prejudging, because of her make-up miss-hap, but also in part because they never sent her the schedule and she thought she was going on stage later. How crazy is that?! All that hard work and she doesn’t even get to walk on stage. We all hung out and talked for about an hour and a half, got some pictures, and sampled some products they were selling at the booths. Man, there were so many beautiful bodies there!
Kelly and I ended up talking for a good amount of time (I love her.) We both have our own businesses so we can definitely relate to stuff we are going through! She was telling me how she wants to try to do a figure competition just to see if she can.
Thuy has been asking me when I’m going to do my own figure competition. I’ve honestly entertained the thought of doing one for a few years now, ever since a person trainer I dated told me he thought I could compete. Although it would probably be really cool to see how far I can push myself, I really don’t know if I truly want to, at least not at this time.
The four of us joked how Kelly should move down here from Corona and she and I should move in together. Then we could just go balls to the wall as accountability buddies and train together. We could also workout with Thuy and her sister, who is planning on doing a bikini competition in a few months. All four of us agreed it would be a lot easier to focus if we could all lean on each other… Hmm, gets me thinking.
I decided to make a list of my reasons for NOT wanting to do a figure competition, at least at this time in my life and also what my fears are:
1) I love food and eating a variety of food. Eating bland food, the same food, and less food every day just does not quite appeal to me. I’ve been on strict meal plans in the past and although I know I can stick to them and that they do work, it’s not something I feel like doing right now or for the long haul.
MY FEAR: I’m afraid of the aftermath; that after I cut back on my food intake and reach my goals, I’m going to binge eat and gain everything back and then some. That would be embarrassing. Also, there seems to be something from my past blocking me from giving 100% in anything I do these days. I feel like if I go back to what I was doing then, even though I was successful with my nutrition and workout plan, it’s going to resurface some painful emotions that I don’t want to to deal with at this time.
2) I don’t have the money right now to pay for a trainer, a meal plan, an NPC card, a figure bikini, etc. I struggle to pay my rent and bills every month. I don’t feel like that’s an area I can focus on right now, until I get more established in my businesses.
MY FEAR: I’m afraid if I focus on something other than my businesses, I’ll lose business, lose money, and I’ll be spreading myself too thing (no pun intended, ha!)
3) I don’t like being on stage, or being in the spot light with all eyes on me. Speaking in public is already a huge fear of mine. I can’t even imagine having hundreds of eyes on me, judging every curve of my body that I worked so hard for. Talk about anxiety!!!
MY FEAR: Hearing or receiving any criticism from others about how my body isn’t quite as amazing as someone else’s.
4) I’m already in pain and suffering from my day to day life, I don’t know if I want to push myself through more pain. The pain of the tough workouts. The pain of not getting to use food as a stress reliever. The pain of adding more things to do to my already-full schedule.
MY FEAR: Adding more stress to my life and wearing myself out. Not being able to perform in my job because I’m too exhausted from working out and cutting back on my food intake.
5) I want to enjoy the summer while everyone is out and about doing fun things. I feel like fall/winter would be more ideal for me.
MY FEAR: Missing out on the fun things that happen over the summer and friends being upset with me because I’m not “living.”
I know these things probably sound like excuses or silly fears, but I’m writing them down simply so I can physically see them and hopefully someday overcome them. On the flip side, I think overcoming them would actually help me in all of those areas and would also really help build my confidence up, get me noticed and in turn, probably help bring me more income. I may even feel so good at that point that I’ll want to stay at that level, or at least close to that level. I guess I’ll never know until I try! And fear is just an illusion, right? 😉
Anyways, after the show, I came home around 2 and was STARVING! I decided to make the WRONG choices and ate a left-over burger I got the other night at dinner. I knew it wasn’t going to give me the energy I wanted, but I ate it anyways because I was starving and feeling kind of lazy. I continued to make more food after because I didn’t eat much all morning and was still hungry after the burger. Blah.
I worked on the computer from 2:30 till about 7, putting off doing Lyft. Even though I should have worked Lyft on a Saturday, my body was telling me otherwise. I was exhausted from the week, I had the house to myself, and all I really wanted to do was lay down and take my mind of stuff. So I decided to take the night off and chill out for once. I watched a movie on Netflix, read a little and passed out around 11:45pm.
Taking the night off was just what I needed 🙂